I love the atmosphere in this commercial: so dreamy and fun and I-want-to-be-her

Supercool dungarees

I follow a few different blogs. One of those is http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com/, which was written by model Daul Kim. She was a very good writer, her posts were always interesting to read. She was unhappy though, and wrote very freely about that as well.

Today I read the latest post on her blog. It was called 'say hi to forever'. A few minutes later, I went to models.com. There was a message there that read: 'Remembering Daul Kim'. That shocked me, because a title like that can only mean one thing... And it did.
Daul Kim passed away.
She committed suicide.
She was only 20 years old.

And I cried.
Which felt stupid because I don't know her.
But she gave me, and everyone who read her blog, an inside in her life and her feelings.
I knew she was depressed, she wrote it herself. So it was not 100% unexpected... but I am still so shocked
and so sad.

.

I could never understand people who said: 'life is short'. I always thought that a year was so long, and 70 years seemed to be eternity. Now, I know what they mean. I want to do so much, I want to experience many more things in my life. But it will be less than 10 years before I will feel insulted instead of flattered when people think I am older than I am. And right now, it sort of feels like the best part of my life will be over by then (and I do know that's not right... but still).
That is also because my life so far hasn't been very extraordinary. I have done whatever came on my path, and nothing more than that. I have been looking further, but have never taken the action that would bring me away from the path. And I have always been happy with that: so that's not the point.
It is just that I am now no longer satisfied with this. I want to make my life meaningful, either by improving the world, or by just having the most fun possible. And even better would be if I could combine both.
I think I might be too ambitious. But I´m at least making an attempt.

Living your life the way it makes you the most happy is very hard... but I am trying.

I  am rereading this now, a week later, and I don´t like what I wrote anymore haha... Too dramatic. I always get dramatic when I am thinking about life/philosophy... I do. But whatever.

Two weeks ago my father became an orphan, and I lost my last grandmother.
Today we went to her house, to look which furniture we wanted to have. I was happy, because I may have a beautiful couch, two great closets and some more stuff, all for when I move out.
There was also a cookingbook there, the pages were brown because it was so old. It was called: 'elektro cookingbook', and it was about how to use different electric cooking devices. There were a lot of recipes in it, from really simple to difficult to make. It had a bookmark in it, and I became so sad because now she can't make whatever she wanted to make. And also because I will never know which of the puddings that were on that page it is that she wanted to make.
It seems so silly, that out of all the things that were there, this made me the most sad.